Life is simple.
Or should be, at least. Often the complication comes from without, not within.
Often, what causes our internal conflicts is driven by our history and outside contexts, that conflict with our growing world views.
As we grow up through life, meeting friends, family, people you love, people you hate, bullies, idiots, and other types, you inevitably get influenced.
Worldviews are not (or at least should not) be set in stone. That’s not just about your politics – every aspect of your life is shaped by the things you’ve done and the people you meet. Often it’s shaped by the choices we make in those times and the spiralling, unpredictable consequences that result.
I’ve written extensively about the things that have bothered me in this space and another. I’ve spent a life chasing or trying to prove myself to people so I could be left alone in peace.
Years ago I believed I had everything I needed. I look at now vs then and not much has changed. I’m back in the same old city, and doing the same old things – working, eating, drinking, exercising, gaming.
Except everything is different. I smile, I’m relaxed, I feel fine. Content.
I’ve nothing left to prove any more.
The old fears and the old anxieties, of having to prove that I was smart on my own terms, that I could fend for myself and not rely on others, and that I could succeed in this world, and do the things I want to around it…there was a lot of buried angst carried within me. A bitterness at life that never needed to be there.
So life is the same, except it isn’t. I’m back to a place I love, seeing and spending time with people I care about, and able to be free from the past, and not worry about where I am going in the future. I’m comfortable with what’s coming (even if the world itself seems so on the edge) for me. I’m comfortable in my own skin.
For the first time, I don’t feel like I need to hide a part of me any more.
So, in short, life is good.
There’ll still be challenges. There’ll still be drama, and moments of doubt, and I’m sure it won’t always be smooth.
But for now, I’m here, in this moment.
Life is elegant now, simple and peaceful. Now it’s time to just appreciate it.
If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s to step back and appreciate the small things and let go of the larger picture. It’s the small things we remember anyway.